Love Birds

Today, 26th July 2011. 5.34pm exactly in the office. I opened my FB....hm....thinking what to do, no bodies online. Looked around my friends FB. What a love birds are there. So sweet, but wondering how can it be last for so long? In the AFTERNOON I called him. Talking cool, nice and just a reminder then it make things all over the places. I have no longer know what I want for my life with u. To be honest, I am not understanding and running out of idea how to deliver what I thought and wanted to tell actually. You just want to understand your way, it is fine for me now. But how could u say all that to me just because u don't like what I say about your friends. Keep on repeating the words 9 years and I will stain this in my brain. I was crying looking at Arbi's and Mieza's FB comment. How sweet it can be like them. But is it will last long? I used to be like that as well....I am not trusting love anymore. I am totally confused. My friends married, having good relationship but it is unfortunate for me, all of my love story are not successful. I am hoping and doing my best to have a great relationship but all I get is headache, so unfair. Why? it's the only question I have. If you could have read my blog, actually I don't know what to write. I am so upsad but no idea how to express. Only by crying...but it's not worth it to cry for it. I just found all this are craps. So troublesome for me. I have no idea how to express it. No one could have understand. I have enough burden and now I want to touched my feelings for what? This is so difficult for me. Im just not enough strong to carry all this. All I wanted was something else. But I'm not the most luckiest person ever, every time it's always BAD LUCK. What the hell? I felt like giving up, it is too much for me. I felt tired enough for all this. Understand? Mieza, if u are reading this, I nak u tau yang I rase u ngan Arbi is so made for each other and I nak mintak maaf if I affect your relationship and nothing will ever happen between us anymore. I want u guys to be together. Just accept that he has change a lot for u. I am so happy for both of u. Best of luck my dear friend. I wish I will start belief again in LOVE.

we WERE kekasih gelap.....its the end.

Today, 23 June 2011. Now the time is 2.48pm and I'm in the office sitting on new chair :) thanks Adham coz gave me the chair. Anyway today's heart reveal is....hahahaha! guess sape call me last night??? Arbi Suffian Rozlan? so shock and surprise and etc. He was telling me he miss me but? why must have but? he kept quite because he don't like me tell about us to other people. Tell to whom? I asked him....and what to tell? I have nothing to tell anyone anything about u & me >.< He is so much drama....currently in relationship with my good friend and still did not feel any guilt towards me. Now u are telling I am the one who run away from our relationship? U thought things can be work between us but its not happening because I never told him? Hello MR. I am a girl who have proud for myself and I wont go chase running behind guys ass if I am in crushed with u. U are telling u don't dare to tell? Coward? For who I broke up, for who I waited after 2 years? hahahaha. Now u are blaming me? sorry...I am happy for what I am now and with the person I love the most <3 Francis Enrique. What do u think I will felt when u be with my good friend without telling me and I myself found out and I really felt small and embarrassed. When the time me and Ikhwan broke up, I thought we might work things out but u chose Pija and engaged with her and I still a fool waiting for u and after that u broke up, I felt this is the destiny me and u event u have a lot of weakness. I am seeking for true love and I thought our relationship might explain something that I was looking for. And u was missing and a be with someone else again this time u make me felt, I am not for u and u r not totally for me. I am so thankful and grateful for what I have now.......thanks for all the feeling u brought in me.

YOU are GONE......

Today,13th June 2011. I saw your facebook. What an idiot, u are so damn it and selfish when we were together. I don;t care or give a damn anymore but I felt terribly annoyed and GERAM GILA BABI because of the reason of me leaving u and this whole wasting entire relationship for 7 years. We were like one person and u was stopping me to do all what she's been doing now. U was telling me not to do follow your rules, your terms, your condition to be with u. But why it's upside down now?? U are wasting my life and I am so angry for what u have done to me that I could not forgive u and hate u so much more than anything else. Memang sakit sangat hati ni Wan, the way u accept her...why u can accept all the things u don't let me do before....I have nothing to do what u want to do now, it is true but it is sooo UNFAIR. I am thinking a lot about this lately, no idea why but it is killing me and annoyed me so much. She smokes, u don't care, she have friends, she wear what she like. And the best part,,,, she get she wants from u!!! WTF?????? Binatang...how could I be with u last time..and rase kesal takkan pernah habis Wan. U are so fucking idiot that had ever came into my life and it is crumpled me everytime I think about your what u did and what u are doing. Your promises......hahahaha! Now, tgh2 malam u can go and see her. What about me last time?? Are u going to give me all the excuses that u was a boy last time??? Then why were we be for 7 years?? I know I am happy with who I am with now much more than u but I just can't accept it and if I have a chance, I would tell u everything what I felt. By the way, U R BLIND .......

Im Tired

Today 30 June 2011....2.16 am midnite. Still not getting my eye close at this time. Im just too tired with him. Everything seems not right for me. I've no other word to explain about all this. You just want too accept the explanation in your way. I always wanted to do something else but u understand something else. This miscommunication are driving me crazy. How can I make u understand? U messaging someone from your facebook and saying u don't know, forget, no idea..how u aspect me to accept? will u accept if u are in my shoes? Its hard to make u understand. And I don't know, really don't know how to tell u that how sad I am when u shouted and keep on telling me bad words even u don't mean it. Every time I have to swallow what u said. U told me that maybe Im the one who sent the message from your facebook just to make problem with u? Why would I do that? How could u think like that about me....when I never have any idea about u like that. Why u always look at me as a fault for u? I don't it...should I just ignore the world surrounding me? Why I felt people using me a lot? Which is true...? I have lost my faith once again. Should I love myself more than anything or anyone else? I got confused about all this. Its becoming complicated for me which is path I should follow? Should I just leave it to God? Why all this questions running in my brain? U want me to keep it in myself, and I will. Its seems to be simple. Iwill love your good and bad part..so do u to me but u never can do that. Everytime we fight, the word regret always on your lips. I have no one to tell about what I felt and no one understand what I felt and I don't want anybody to understand anyway. I hate this life. I have no idea for who am I doing all this hard work? I will leave it to HIM to decide what ever the best for me starts from now. I love u but I can't cheat myself to accept what the bad things about u.....

You are my nightmare

Today, 26 Mac 2011 11.33am and I can't focus on anything. I need to find at least 4 sales and that is not possible at all because there is no fish to bait. Everybody are rejecting my calls and I am out of idea how to catch them?? And my manager, David expecting on me to get 25 sales this week. How is that supposed to be? Hmmm......and another shit playing on my brain. I hate her a lot now and only God know how much I hate her and I hate myself when I can't do anything to revenge on her and hurt her, it is like my hand are tight and my feet in the ground. She is fucked up enough now tho but still what she did to me are unacceptable and I will always remember that bitch. Thought that she already out from my life but yet, everyone around us have so many faces. I will never trust anyone even 50%. What the F*** ? The last time u insult her and said that u will never allow or talk to her and just want her to get out from the house because she is nothing worse than a shit but now, u allow her back in there? I don't understand....u don't have principle people. What else can I say because it is his house and I am not going to let my love to stay there if this continue. She is such a prostitute and mental freak ever I have ever met in my life. When I see her, I freak out just like the movie Roomate. Exactly the same. Phsyco freak. I hate her so muchhhhhh as much as I felt like killing her and don't want to see her face a t all. FUCK HER. I just want her out from my life. I will do anything to vanish her.....

Best Friend????

Today 01st April 2011, 23.50pm. I have the mood to write about some shit friend not best friend! I thought u are the one. Coz for me, friends are hard to trust and for me friendship is everything. Very difficult for me to love a friend. When u came into my life, I thought we could be a sowowity sisters but u r not the one. You think u r so good, just because u are not from here? Now I know why everybody avoiding u, hates u and BENCI kau!!!!! Because u are slut, even slut are not like that. You are nothing on this world. Even shit are usable, if u put the shit on plant, at least the plant will be healthy. I thought and made u just like my own blood. Just because of your tempered, u want to throw your shit to me? Well, u make mess to a wrong HUMAN. Just because people want to correct your bad mouth u behave like a shit????? What the heeellllll ??????? Hahaha...wrong number :) You are nothing to give me an advice, I know the world better than u la.....u should say something to yourself! U said its very hard to find true friend? How about u? Are u a true friend freak??? What the hellll???? All this while, I just listen and swallow what u said. U think u want to drama with me? Let's start the game BIATCHH! miss arable nightmare to be friend with u.....u give and u speak? Why did the hell u help if u are a true shit??? This is just like another experience in my life, a thing like u that don't deserve to be called HUMAN won't ever be in my chapter of life.....

How Do I Settle My Life?

Hari ini, 22 Mac 2011. Just doing nothing at home. No tuition :) Work is sucks...as usual, tapi mane ade keje yang tak sucks rite? Hmm....well, I have a lot to settle in my life and how I do that the question here? I don't know where to start? Debt debt debt debbbtttsssss >.< months =" RM" 2 =" about">These are the things : 1.) DEBTSSSSS 2.) savings 3.) car / house 4.) baby's documents (for marriage) 5.) marriage . SETTLE as at that :) But how??arrrrgghhhh,sometimes I just feel like killing myself and it is so hard to be an adult! Fuck! I hate myself now...... How Do I Settle?????

Life, IT IS UNFAIR !

Today is 15 March 2011, 6.59pm exactly. I am sitting in front of the computer searching for something that can be my luck. Money money money, life is all about money and unfairness that given to people that are so good and nice like me. But why? felt like i lose my faith, should i? Two days inside there, gave me a lot of realization that how human are on this earth and how the world can be so harsh on u. Why im inside there? why me? there million hundred people out there worse than myself but why i have to take all this? I don't deserve this. I help my family, my parent, friends, people all human on this fucking earth but why i end up to be the one who have to get all the blame? It is true what people said, sometimes i just don;t understand why i have to become a robinhood or mother teressa that always help people but end up im in deepest shit. When i was inside there, everybody scared, sad, pity and will die for me but when im out, i thought everything going to change and woke them up but it come back as usual. NORMAL. How can that be? Which part of the world i should still look for answer? Now, im thinking, no wonder a lot of people inside there like don't have problem and they are happy because they don't have to think about anything. Now that im out, i have to settle all the shit. If i stay the other day, i don't have to think even to settle the shit, it will be clear by itself. Just have to wait for 14 days. I also totally lost. Im so regret until now, why i follow my brain and why i did not give any chance to my heart? All this is a big lesson for me, i learned from the world. U have to bitchy and slut then only u can live. That is what i saw from my eye. U be good, u will be fucked up same as u don't be good. I juse feel so terrible, horrible the way world treated me. I just lost my faith. Im speechless, i don;t know what to do. If i move, they will hurt me, if i freeze they will also disturb me. So how???

Francis Alexander Enrique - أحبك حتى أموت يا حبيبتي

Now is 21.05pm, I am so happy but pissed off at the same time. All I have now is YOU. Even u make me angry at most of the time, even u hurt me with your words sometimes, even u did something wrong, but yet u still the one that always make me feel like im in heaven :) I am so glad to have u in my life sayang. You are so much better than others, u are the only person that always understand me, myself and i. hahahaha..... im very happy even im in a very hectic situations but still i have u. Thank u for having me in your life habibi. You know girls, he has the most of Prince Charming checklist, hahaha. Just few here and there guy's pattern. That is definitely a must for a guy. He is romantic 24 - 7, handsome, gentleman, kind, nice, ready to sacrifice anything and so much more to describe. Me? I felt like cinderella sometimes, waiting for the prince charming to marry her then only she got to be free and live happily ever after. Romantic kan??? Well, we are like that and hopefully it will be continue forever sayang. Even we are not really stable now, somehow I believe that we will be together, just like the way u said, just a matter of time. I mean how to describe him? He is the man that u always wanted to be with. Erm...im so in love each and every second im breathing, melting every time he says i love u forever. I don't care anymore about what people want to say as long as i know the right way. Baby, im sorry if i hurt u all this while and being crazy just because I LOVE U MORE THAN MY LIFE, I SWEAR!

breath and inhale

Today, 13 Feb 2011, Sunday. I'm at home waiting for what i have no idea. I've been waiting for u to call me till 4am in the morning and I don't feel that u care. The first person I would return back the call if saw missed calls on my hp....among those numbers, I will call u FIRST. But u did not even return back my call which is sadly I am stupid to do the other way around for u. More, u told me u need to breath? Its ok baby, u may breath peacefully now. I wonder why I never tell u all this all this time and it is true I need to breath too. Let's breath together. Last night u told me that u sounds regret to choose this path that we are in now. Yeah baby, u should follow your family last time and we don't have to meet. I have no idea why I love a person so much more than myself which is stupid. I need time for myself also now just like need yours. Sometimes, I just asking myself....should i just give up? Every time I think like that, I just remember how I failed my first love and it was 7 years relationship and I turned both us into pieces. Will we be together? Is it u for me? In some other ways, he is much better than u but LOVE IS BLIND. He is still there when I felt so useless and stupid. No doubt I hate him but deep inside, I still remember our LOVE. I just sent him credit but he still never return my call...he wants to show who is more can be hard. Let's see. I am tired with LOVE. Should I give up????

KHURAFAT

Khurafat. Baru je balik tgk Movie baru ni directed ny Shamsul Yusoff. Not bad at all and he makes me feel yang filem melayu bukan macam filem dulu and tak maju. Creative, selalunye cerite2 melayu ni kite dpt agak what's next. Lagi2 kalau bapak die yg direct. Hahahaha....but I'm impress. Cerite nye pasal seorang yang KHURAFAT. Percaye pada sesuatu yg tak mungkin boleh melawan kebesaran NYA, ALLAH S.W.T. Banyak action seram and hantu die pon gerun lah. Ade banyak moral of the story and agak masaleh lah the direction. Five star for Shamsul. Kalau macam ni lah filem melayui yg dah semakin menaik, I won't feel shame to watch. Why not? They are more creative and alert and berani now. Macam ni lah baru ade feel nak tgk cerite melayu :) Ade kesedaran bile tgk cerite tu, I admit. Anyway, thats all my post for today ! Thank u baby for bringing me to watch this movie even u tak faham sangat and i know u don't enjoy. I will teman go watch your movie plak ok :D

Lelaki Bodoh

Now, 21.38pm 2 January 2011....FUCK!!!!! Die ingat die sape nak belasah aku? Kalau nak belasah pon agak2 lah kat muke! Dah lah aku ni tak cantik, nak buat muke aku cacat plak ke? Ko ingat ko sape??? Sedangkan Ikhwan Faizal yg aku sayang sampai sekarang and hubungan kami tahun tapi aku boleh tgalkan die. Inikan kau yg kurang dari 2 tahun berani sentuh aku. Dah banyak kali aku sabar selame ni. Setiap kali kau pujuk, aku makan...inagt aku ikan ke? Makan umpan? Cakap salah skit ko dah buat cam ni kat aku, habes kau tu tak buat salah ke?? Wei,,,, g mampus lah...Kali ni aku akan keras hati. Ko jgn harap aku maafkan kau. Sakit lagi hati aku daripada muka aku BODOH!!!! Aku tak bodoh cam kau lah pukimak! Ape kau ckp, semua aku dengar. Ape kau nak, semua aku ikut. Marah, pukol??? So dah mule, ko akan berterusan buat cam ni? Sorry lah eh...wrong number! Remember, mase dulu ko kate, ko tak suke and paling benci orang laki letak tangan kat perempuan! Buto mak ko! Kau yg buat, sendiri bg tau perangai buruk ko tu ke??? Jantan Sial! Aku mmg benci gile babi sgt dgn ko skrang. Rasenye nak pandang muke kmo pon aku tak mau....and aku paling benci diri aku skrg kenape aku sayang laki cam ko and ikhwan??? Memang aku ni tak serik and bahlul...... Tgk sape lagi keras kepala....Let's start the game :)