Salam. Dah lama tak tulis blog...cume saat paling happy giler or paling kritikal. Today, kritikal. Macam2 dugaan yg tak habis2...ya Allah, hebat nya dugaan MU ini. Sampai dah tak tau nak buat pe. Lepas satu, satu masalah...kenapa? Aku dah tak berdaya lagi, penat jadi kuat lepas tu jatuh semula beribu kali. Mane jalan penyelesaian dan akhir buat aku?
Dah tak de jalan lain yg aku nampak, semua dah tutup. Bile nak selesai? Aku dalam kesempitan, tolonglah faham. Kenapa susah sgt nak fhm? Aku je yg jaga hati org, tapi hati aku yg dah beribukali retak...sampai dah tak boleh nak sambung lg....aku pasrah tp kenapa masih lagi aku di sini?
Satu je yg aku harap sekarang, semua ni berakhir dan lepas tu ape nak jadi, jadi lah. Aku sakit sgt, penat, letih, takut. Aku harap petunjuk dan jln keluar dtg segera utk semua sengsara aku ni. Mungkin ini balasan Tuhan, tp aku berharap semua ni sementara dan takkan berpatah balik. Ade yg merungut dgn ujian kecik dari NYA, kalau lah mereka boleh rase ape yg aku rase kat tempat aku...selagi hidup, aku akan selalu ingat yg ade lagi dugaan manusia yg lebih teruk dari dugaan aku.
Aku bersyukur dan redha dgn segala nikmat dah ketentuanNYA utk aku. Dah lebih 10tahun hubungan yg kite ade, salah ke nak menghalalkan? Ada lg cinta yg dihalang org tua zaman sekarang mcm ni? Aku cukup sabar, setia dan berusaha dgn segala yg perlu utk hubungan kita, tp kenapa selalu mcm ni? dah penat, letih...ape patut aku buat? Cume aku je yg rase, tak de sape rase ape aku rase!
Memang takdir aku mcm ni ke? percintaan yg tak pernah berjaya? selalu hancur ditgh jalan. Sekarang, aku redha & pasrah dgn segalanya. Tak de lg daya usaha dan percaya akan semua yg belum pasti. Hati menangis, aku sendiri je yg tau...tak mampu nak keluarkan airmata, tak mampu nak bercerita, meluahkan. Semua mcm dah beku, tepu.
Awak,
Kalaulah awk baca blog ira ni, ira nak awk tau...bukan senang utk buat keputusan putuskan hubungan kite dulu, dan bukan senang nak sambung semula sekarang ni. Sebab2 yg mcm ni lah yg buat ira takut nak berdepan. Ira rase mcm ira je yg berperang seorang. Ira nak sgt org yg boleh jaga ira, bwk ira keluar dari rmh tu...tapi mcm mane ira nak explain kat awk? Ira perlu keluar segera awk, ira boleh jadi gile...sebab sekarang ni pun dah separuh gile. Im serious, I am to stress and blocked. Takut2 one day, I lost my life sebab ira tak nak kecewa kan semua org but end up ira kecewakan the whole world. Berdosa ira rase setiap hari dgn semua ni sebab rase penyesalan dgn hidup yg indah Tuhan bg ni. Ira dah tak tahan awk...ira dah rase mcm terlalu perit, sampai dah tak tau nak hulur tangan keluar dari lubang yg terlalu dalam gelap mcm ni. Percayalah, dugaan yg awk ade sekarang, tak sebesar yg ira lalui, bersyukur dgn ape yg awk ade sekarang....ira harap awk lah org yg boleh selamatkan ira.....
Salam...u olls, dah lama tak update blog nih :) Well, so far so good. Cerita of coz lah byk in my life, baik n xbaik pun ade. Oklah cerita sikit2 ok, sekarang ni I have my own freelance business, training program...yg diimpikan selama ni. On going, still menapak and currently I started working. Family is fine, debts...still ade. Hahah..but improving, cleaning up. Anyway, I think I moved on...oh no...I did. I hate him a lot now, I'm glad that happened. I started to feel that love will come by itself. Busy finding someone right for me last few months now I stopped. Coz I found that useless. As usual, friends around ade yg ok ade yg cam B#%#$% but then what more can we say, manusia kan? Learned a lot till now. Everyone around married...still not my turn yet...hardly, I'm sad but waiting for that moment, I bet it will be the most beautiful right timing for me. Nowadays filling up my time with family, close friends...nothing much. Ada one thing I want to share with u olls, if u read my blog...previous post ade byk lah gak cerita psl my ahli muzik. Guess what? I think I'm crushed with him now...again...boleh tak?? OMG....padan muka I, tu lah benci sgt kan. Now, I really believe that jgn benci org sgt. Mmg lah die currently in relationship..but then as I told him, jodoh tu rahsia Allah s.w.t. so no one will know. Now we are officially together but then still we have to go thru certain levels to reach the dream we had before to came true. I hope we will be together at last. We just give a shot now, yg lain2 biar takdir yg tentukan, asalkan usaha :) that is good enough. Lepas tu kalau takdir shows to negative, time to let go...this will be the last chance that we give it the best. Oklah korg, my next plan should be vacation...I will update. Doakan he propose cepat2 ye...mood nak kawen dah sampai :)
Hei people, dah lama I didn't update my blog, surprise nye I still ingat my password. Anyway, its been a while since I wrote about me here. My life sucks now a days, byk yg jatuh turun. Semuanya teruk dan sakit sgt nak tanggung semua ni but I am doing my best to star strong. Byk yg jadi since he left. He called me, we be in rship for sometime then we broke up coz he found out that I never have a twins which I told him just to make him stay with me. But why I did all that? u guys tahu knp kan? coz I love him very much. I tak tau nak buat ape lg except for that lies. Its true he cares but after that he never want to understand why I did that? Why u never want to understand? I am so lost, u have taken everything and I got nothing left. Then I continue walking alone accepting the fact that u never care and not the one for me. I figure up byk strategies utk lupekan him. Then one day, there is a guy who actually made me forget him a bit, I was bz dating and getting know someone else. We hooked up as we had d same experienced, slightly same. I was happy with him, even susah tp we hidup mcm medium je. At least he made my day by forgetting him. Things doesn't going well all the time. Dugaan starts to show up. I thought those sweet talk are true this time but turned up to be sucks than before. He showed true color so do I. I wont say he is bad but he is not a person who stick to what he said and panic at all time. Never being there when I need him always like Francis did. What ever he said just a dream. Before bad things happened, semuanya tak pe. After we decided to broke up becoz his feng shui was not good in rship, he turned up to be a jerk. Padan muka actually, I thought I could make it up to him but rase mcm nak biar je. Tp my hati ni lembut sgt, cepat kesian kat org. Now die sms semua yg die ckp x kesah dulu, tuntut semua. Lelaki or mmg melayu mcm ni? At least Francis took a long time to hurt me. He made me happy for quite sometime till I can't forget since d first time we met till now. Mmg Im in deep trouble now, a lot of shit. Kalau ade, dah lame bg blk ape yg die dah buat utk I. But this guy just don't get it. Recently pushing me, but what more I can do? I don't have anything and kecewa dgn attitude die. Mase first time jumpe family die, I thought they are d coolest but manusia...susah nak jangka. Unpredictable, yg baik kat luar tu lah bahaya. I have no idea for what reason they did this to me. I am annoying when it comes to relationship but Francis always says before, I maybe so annoying for him but I am the one who change him to a better person he is now. I am so upset every time I wish to do good things for people I love it turned up to be bad things. Now that I am trapped with a lots of shit, till I don't have any idea anymore what to do. I am stuck n trapped with all things around me. I am so broke, so many debts pending. People looking for me. Who knows? I just keep it in myself. I have no idea what to do. I don't want my family to know, but I can;t hold it any longer, I just let things go by the flow. I am super damn salute my mum as she knows everything even I did not tell her anything what I am into. I am feeling very empty and very down with all this, no one there for me anymore to give me spirit, I am all alone. Mase Francis ade dulu, at least I have reason to raise up but now what left? he is there in Sweden, me here. Is there any possibility we will be united? In Allah hand, anything is possible but are we fated to be together? Did he feel the same way I feel? Missing him every second, killing me. All I wish is to forget him every day but things get worse when I start missing him more every day. Why he want to leave? sampai hati die. After all there years, kenapa die sanggup buat cam ni to me? His love was not strong enough? All this question still playing in my mind. I wish I can turn back time and tell him I wont give my heart and soul to love someone like him coz now I know its suffering. Die tak rase ke sakitnya hati aku ni? I can never love someone else. My friends slalul tanye, if he comes back, will u go back to him? Tipu lah if I said no. Of coz yes!! I love him too much, dah cukup sebati and hes d only one I want now but in other way, I pray a lot that Allah akan hilangkan rase cinta ni untuk yg lebih baik, lebih berhak dari semua org yg tak tahu hargai my love. Kenapa susah sgt ade org nak faham what I felt? EMPTY. I have made up my mind yg, if after few months things doesn't going well, still not in place I will be away, I think I should go away for sometimes to fix my self. Out of the country. Kadang2 ade jugak fikir I want to fly to Sweden and tell him how much I love him but can't imagine if he have someone else already even I know no one could ever love him like I did. He change his rship status to engaged then back to single just to made me crazy ke ape coz he knows I am stalking his FB? Well it works coz I do feel bad till now tears are dropping like waterfall. But I know my sayang very well, when ever I will be in front of his door knocking and he open up d door, be more than happy and he will change his mind coz I know him, he look tough, strong and ego but he have such a soft and gentle and also kind heart. I wish I could have that moment when he hug me and kiss me and that time I know he misses me so much more than I do. Its just his EGO! Only ALLAH knows what is the best. Anyway, at the moment I just pray that things will be better. Right now I am doing my best to climb back to those success moment that I had before. Maybe all this made me stronger and wiser human being. At this age, having all this problems, just one positives thing I could take is, I am young but yet I have experienced all this dugaan. GOOD isn't it? Then things will never be to late for me. I am reading a book which gave me a lil bit of bzness rather than I thought of my shits. Anyway, that is all for now pal. Please korang doakan I jadi seorang manusia yg berjaya and berguna. Amiiinnnnn
